This past Friday was a big milestone for the Bush family. Our beautiful, not so little anymore, Felicity had her half birthday; she's officially 18 months old now. Although I had to come to terms with the fact that my sweet 7 lb. 4 oz. gift from God is no longer an infant quite some time ago, her turning 18 months proved to be unusually bittersweet for me. This caused me to ponder, and while pondering I was thinking of how much my life, my marriage, my relationship with our Father, and my heart have changed all because of this 2 foot tall, blue eyed, blonde haired tornado who is currently running around the living room with her Sesame Street keyboard on repeat. This post is me working through the bitter and focusing on the sweet.
1. It's okay to stay put.
I've always felt the need to run until my wheels fall off (I accredit this to my mama), whether it be shopping, visiting family, going to lunch with friends, or just going for a nice drive. However, nap times at 10 and 2 tend to put a damper on that, so I'm slowly learning to be content at home. I've never realized all I miss out on inside my own home when I'm throwing myself into the outside world!
2. Life is better messy.
I'm a clean freak. I've never fancied messiness of any sort; then Felicity came along, and well...a good portion of that was forcefully thrown out the window. Things are better this way.
3. It's the little things.
Everyone says it's the little things in life, but it never really was before she came along. Don't get me wrong, I've always enjoyed long walks, a beautiful Fall day and holidays of any sort, but now something as small as a leaf and the way it crumbles can take up 30 minutes of an afternoon because it's the first time she's seen said crumbling. It's like watching a flower grow at lightening speed and I thank God every day for letting me be a part of it.
4. Tears are a cleansing agent; not a sign of weakness.
Sometimes I cry because I love her too much to express it any other way, I cry because she's sick, I cry because her teeth hurt, I cry because I can't get one of her infamous rashes to heal, I cry because I'm exhausted, I cry because I worry about her when I'm not with her, I cry when I spend the night away from her, I cry because I'm overwhelmed, I cry because she's growing too fast, etc., etc., etc. But one thing is true every time; I feel better after shedding a few tears. Mommy's everywhere should let the tears fall. I guarantee you'll feel better.
5. She needs ME.
I'm ashamed to say that I spent the first 8 or 9 months of motherhood comparing myself to every other mom on the planet. Then it dawned on me that she doesn't know every other mom on the planet; she knows ME. She needs ME. She wants ME to push her on the swing, ME to play with her on the floor, ME to sing to her (poor girl obviously doesn't have an ear for talent) and ME to hold her when she cries. I may not be the best at everything but I'm certain that I'm the best at loving her and that's what she needs most.
6. Motherhood isn't for sissies.
On any given day you will find me with poop and/or puke on me and the rest of the days you'll find me trying to temporarily bandage my bleeding heart that's either bursting with love or shattered in a million pieces on the floor. It's worth it.
7. Organization is key.
I'm an extremely organized individual so everyone was quick to tell me that would be one of the first things to go when I entered motherhood. However, it's actually only gotten stronger, and Felicity loves it too. Whether it's a fully stocked diaper bag, a properly labeled craft bin, or a place to put the trillions of toys your child has accumulated, organization will save your life.
8. Discipline is a must.
I have seen, first hand, the difference between an 18 month old who is taught right from wrong and given reasonable consequences for their age and an 18 month old who is allowed to do as they please because "they're just a baby." Felicity is good natured, funny, well adjusted and just the right amount of ornery. You will never see Justin or I allow her to hit, throw a fit, bite, etc. without an appropriate consequence. THIS IS DIFFICULT. Being a good parent isn't the easy route, but I believe it's the best route and so far, the proof is in the pudding. I'll report back with an update when she's 17.
9. There's no one right way.
The simple truth is that being a mom is hard, and there's no one right way to do it. The "right way" is just with a lot of love, a lot of prayer, and more patience than you ever thought possible. Everyone will give you advice and that's okay. Soak it up, let it sink in, then do with it as you please. No one can parent your child but you, and you have to find your own "right" way.
10. There's nothing wrong with me time.
I feel guilty leaving Justin and Felicity to have dinner with the girls or even going into the next room to read a book or take a long bath. That is worldly pressure trying to work itself into my life and I won't allow it. I deserve a break from time to time, so I take one. Then I come back feeling refreshed and better able to handle the daily grind that comes along with being a wife and mother.
11. Laughter is medicine.
The first time I heard our little girls giggle it healed something inside of me that had been broken for the longest time. Something that yearned for the pure joy that only her giggle could accommodate. The same still holds true. When I've had a rough day or I get bad news the first thing I want to do is to hear her laugh that's still so easily obtained so that whatever's been broken in me can be healed by her unbridled excitement.
12. Picnics are better than 5 star restaurants.
When we first had Felicity I went through a time where I was a little sad that getting all dolled up and going out for a nice long dinner would now be a rare occasion. But last week Justin and I took her on a picnic and as I watched her play while sitting next to the love of my life on a blanket under a tree I had an epiphany that, to be honest, startled and amazed me; there was no where on earth I'd rather be.
13. Fear is useless
“Fear's useless. Either something bad happens or it doesn't: If it doesn't, you've wasted time being afraid, and if it does, you've wasted time that you could have spent sharpening your weapons.” - Sarah Rees Brennan. For being our first baby Felicity sure has put us through the ringer. She had a high bilirubin count, a fever, and high sugar levels when she was born, along with a hemangioma that gave us 22 reasons to worry. She was allergic to every soap, lotion, and diaper known to man, had reflux so bad she couldn't keep breast milk or formula down, when she was 6 months old she caught pneumonia, when she was 10 months old the doctor discovered she has a sacral dimple, then at 15 months we found out she's allergic to an antibiotic in the worst way possible; she was broke out and swollen from head to toe. Needless to say my heart has been in my stomach on multiple occasions over the last year and a half and I know for a fact that the constant state of fear I've lived in has aged me beyond measure. Don't misunderstand me; being stressed about your child and his/her health, safety, and well being is completely healthy, but fear and stress are not equals in the game of life. By being fearful I've hurt myself, my family, and my relationship with the Lord. Stress calls to God with a weary heart and says "I know you've got this. But please hold my hand." Fear screams "I need to fix this or I won't live through it." There is a bold unwavering line that separates the two and I've made a promise to myself to never cross it again.
14. The world looks better after a nap.
For the first 10 or 11 months of Felicity's life I used her nap times as an opportunity to get things done; then I wised up. I now thoroughly enjoy napping during her afternoon nap and sometimes I just put the dogs up, lay her down, and sit in silence because it's both glorious and elusive. Either way, she wakes up refreshed and far less cranky and I feel like I can keep my feet on the ground for the remainder of the day.
15. There's a last time for everything.
I never really thought about it before we had Felicity, but there will always be one last time you get to do something you love, so you should enjoy it while you can. There was a last time I got to rock her to sleep, a last time I got to help her walk, a last time I got to carry her all the way through the store, and the hardest so far; a last time I got to sleep with her all the way through the night. You hear so much in lieu of baby guidelines...They shouldn't sleep with you, they should crawl by this age, they should walk by that age, and so on. Independence is great, and as a parent it's extremely rewarding to see your child learning and growing, but it will happen regardless, so don't rush it. Enjoy every cuddle, every sleepless night, every feeding, and every rocking session you get, because there will come a time when it's the last time you'll get to.
16. Your happiness as a parent is essential.
We all have days where we're cranky for no particular reason, we don't feel well, or we just want to be left alone. However, as a parent it's essential for us to be happy in order for our children to be happy. When I'm short tempered or exasperated Felicity feeds off of that and her behavior reflects it. I've found things that help me back away from my emotions and see things with a more realistic point of view. It could be a devotional, a nice drive, praise and worship music, or a phone call to a friend, but whatever it is that makes you happy, you should make time for it.
17. Embrace imperfection.
I'm a perfectionist in every sense of the word. I mean it. My OCD tendencies are almost indescribable to people who don't fight the constant uphill battle of perfectionism. I can't stand for Felicity to eat without a bib on, wear clothes that don't match, or run around without a bow in her hair. I realize this sounds crazy, but my anal behavior is actually how I show my love. However, I'm quickly learning that this isn't always a realistic expectation and it's okay for her to run around in her diaper with crazy hair once in a while. Besides, she's just as adorable that way as she is all dolled up. Maybe even cuter :)
18. Marriage is sacred.
I thought I knew this before we had Felicity, but I was just beginning the journey with the amazing man I get to call my husband and I had no idea that I would be falling in love with him all over again once she arrived. Felicity has made our marriage stronger than ever and for that, I'm incredibly grateful. Like I've mentioned, motherhood is difficult. Having someone there to alternate 2 a.m. feedings with, change diapers with, and love your little one unconditionally with is an indescribable experience. No one will ever understand the bond you have with one another and it's important to nourish and strengthen it. Marriage is a beautifully complex bubble that two people have to live in and maintain, it's not something to be taken for granted. It's an incredible gift that God has given us and it's our job to preserve it. So go on dates, sweep each other off your feet, stay up late just to talk, read the Bible together, never go to bed separately, and never, ever, ever, go to bed angry. It's our mission to set a positive example for Felicity so that she knows marriage should be built on God and strengthened with love, laughter, patience, and forgiveness.
1. It's okay to stay put.
I've always felt the need to run until my wheels fall off (I accredit this to my mama), whether it be shopping, visiting family, going to lunch with friends, or just going for a nice drive. However, nap times at 10 and 2 tend to put a damper on that, so I'm slowly learning to be content at home. I've never realized all I miss out on inside my own home when I'm throwing myself into the outside world!
2. Life is better messy.
I'm a clean freak. I've never fancied messiness of any sort; then Felicity came along, and well...a good portion of that was forcefully thrown out the window. Things are better this way.
3. It's the little things.
Everyone says it's the little things in life, but it never really was before she came along. Don't get me wrong, I've always enjoyed long walks, a beautiful Fall day and holidays of any sort, but now something as small as a leaf and the way it crumbles can take up 30 minutes of an afternoon because it's the first time she's seen said crumbling. It's like watching a flower grow at lightening speed and I thank God every day for letting me be a part of it.
4. Tears are a cleansing agent; not a sign of weakness.
Sometimes I cry because I love her too much to express it any other way, I cry because she's sick, I cry because her teeth hurt, I cry because I can't get one of her infamous rashes to heal, I cry because I'm exhausted, I cry because I worry about her when I'm not with her, I cry when I spend the night away from her, I cry because I'm overwhelmed, I cry because she's growing too fast, etc., etc., etc. But one thing is true every time; I feel better after shedding a few tears. Mommy's everywhere should let the tears fall. I guarantee you'll feel better.
5. She needs ME.
I'm ashamed to say that I spent the first 8 or 9 months of motherhood comparing myself to every other mom on the planet. Then it dawned on me that she doesn't know every other mom on the planet; she knows ME. She needs ME. She wants ME to push her on the swing, ME to play with her on the floor, ME to sing to her (poor girl obviously doesn't have an ear for talent) and ME to hold her when she cries. I may not be the best at everything but I'm certain that I'm the best at loving her and that's what she needs most.
6. Motherhood isn't for sissies.
On any given day you will find me with poop and/or puke on me and the rest of the days you'll find me trying to temporarily bandage my bleeding heart that's either bursting with love or shattered in a million pieces on the floor. It's worth it.
7. Organization is key.
I'm an extremely organized individual so everyone was quick to tell me that would be one of the first things to go when I entered motherhood. However, it's actually only gotten stronger, and Felicity loves it too. Whether it's a fully stocked diaper bag, a properly labeled craft bin, or a place to put the trillions of toys your child has accumulated, organization will save your life.
8. Discipline is a must.
I have seen, first hand, the difference between an 18 month old who is taught right from wrong and given reasonable consequences for their age and an 18 month old who is allowed to do as they please because "they're just a baby." Felicity is good natured, funny, well adjusted and just the right amount of ornery. You will never see Justin or I allow her to hit, throw a fit, bite, etc. without an appropriate consequence. THIS IS DIFFICULT. Being a good parent isn't the easy route, but I believe it's the best route and so far, the proof is in the pudding. I'll report back with an update when she's 17.
9. There's no one right way.
The simple truth is that being a mom is hard, and there's no one right way to do it. The "right way" is just with a lot of love, a lot of prayer, and more patience than you ever thought possible. Everyone will give you advice and that's okay. Soak it up, let it sink in, then do with it as you please. No one can parent your child but you, and you have to find your own "right" way.
10. There's nothing wrong with me time.
I feel guilty leaving Justin and Felicity to have dinner with the girls or even going into the next room to read a book or take a long bath. That is worldly pressure trying to work itself into my life and I won't allow it. I deserve a break from time to time, so I take one. Then I come back feeling refreshed and better able to handle the daily grind that comes along with being a wife and mother.
11. Laughter is medicine.
The first time I heard our little girls giggle it healed something inside of me that had been broken for the longest time. Something that yearned for the pure joy that only her giggle could accommodate. The same still holds true. When I've had a rough day or I get bad news the first thing I want to do is to hear her laugh that's still so easily obtained so that whatever's been broken in me can be healed by her unbridled excitement.
12. Picnics are better than 5 star restaurants.
When we first had Felicity I went through a time where I was a little sad that getting all dolled up and going out for a nice long dinner would now be a rare occasion. But last week Justin and I took her on a picnic and as I watched her play while sitting next to the love of my life on a blanket under a tree I had an epiphany that, to be honest, startled and amazed me; there was no where on earth I'd rather be.
13. Fear is useless
“Fear's useless. Either something bad happens or it doesn't: If it doesn't, you've wasted time being afraid, and if it does, you've wasted time that you could have spent sharpening your weapons.” - Sarah Rees Brennan. For being our first baby Felicity sure has put us through the ringer. She had a high bilirubin count, a fever, and high sugar levels when she was born, along with a hemangioma that gave us 22 reasons to worry. She was allergic to every soap, lotion, and diaper known to man, had reflux so bad she couldn't keep breast milk or formula down, when she was 6 months old she caught pneumonia, when she was 10 months old the doctor discovered she has a sacral dimple, then at 15 months we found out she's allergic to an antibiotic in the worst way possible; she was broke out and swollen from head to toe. Needless to say my heart has been in my stomach on multiple occasions over the last year and a half and I know for a fact that the constant state of fear I've lived in has aged me beyond measure. Don't misunderstand me; being stressed about your child and his/her health, safety, and well being is completely healthy, but fear and stress are not equals in the game of life. By being fearful I've hurt myself, my family, and my relationship with the Lord. Stress calls to God with a weary heart and says "I know you've got this. But please hold my hand." Fear screams "I need to fix this or I won't live through it." There is a bold unwavering line that separates the two and I've made a promise to myself to never cross it again.
14. The world looks better after a nap.
For the first 10 or 11 months of Felicity's life I used her nap times as an opportunity to get things done; then I wised up. I now thoroughly enjoy napping during her afternoon nap and sometimes I just put the dogs up, lay her down, and sit in silence because it's both glorious and elusive. Either way, she wakes up refreshed and far less cranky and I feel like I can keep my feet on the ground for the remainder of the day.
15. There's a last time for everything.
I never really thought about it before we had Felicity, but there will always be one last time you get to do something you love, so you should enjoy it while you can. There was a last time I got to rock her to sleep, a last time I got to help her walk, a last time I got to carry her all the way through the store, and the hardest so far; a last time I got to sleep with her all the way through the night. You hear so much in lieu of baby guidelines...They shouldn't sleep with you, they should crawl by this age, they should walk by that age, and so on. Independence is great, and as a parent it's extremely rewarding to see your child learning and growing, but it will happen regardless, so don't rush it. Enjoy every cuddle, every sleepless night, every feeding, and every rocking session you get, because there will come a time when it's the last time you'll get to.
16. Your happiness as a parent is essential.
We all have days where we're cranky for no particular reason, we don't feel well, or we just want to be left alone. However, as a parent it's essential for us to be happy in order for our children to be happy. When I'm short tempered or exasperated Felicity feeds off of that and her behavior reflects it. I've found things that help me back away from my emotions and see things with a more realistic point of view. It could be a devotional, a nice drive, praise and worship music, or a phone call to a friend, but whatever it is that makes you happy, you should make time for it.
17. Embrace imperfection.
I'm a perfectionist in every sense of the word. I mean it. My OCD tendencies are almost indescribable to people who don't fight the constant uphill battle of perfectionism. I can't stand for Felicity to eat without a bib on, wear clothes that don't match, or run around without a bow in her hair. I realize this sounds crazy, but my anal behavior is actually how I show my love. However, I'm quickly learning that this isn't always a realistic expectation and it's okay for her to run around in her diaper with crazy hair once in a while. Besides, she's just as adorable that way as she is all dolled up. Maybe even cuter :)
18. Marriage is sacred.
I thought I knew this before we had Felicity, but I was just beginning the journey with the amazing man I get to call my husband and I had no idea that I would be falling in love with him all over again once she arrived. Felicity has made our marriage stronger than ever and for that, I'm incredibly grateful. Like I've mentioned, motherhood is difficult. Having someone there to alternate 2 a.m. feedings with, change diapers with, and love your little one unconditionally with is an indescribable experience. No one will ever understand the bond you have with one another and it's important to nourish and strengthen it. Marriage is a beautifully complex bubble that two people have to live in and maintain, it's not something to be taken for granted. It's an incredible gift that God has given us and it's our job to preserve it. So go on dates, sweep each other off your feet, stay up late just to talk, read the Bible together, never go to bed separately, and never, ever, ever, go to bed angry. It's our mission to set a positive example for Felicity so that she knows marriage should be built on God and strengthened with love, laughter, patience, and forgiveness.