If you were a working mom who transitioned to being a stay at home mom you probably heard every opinion and piece of advice under the sun, but I feel like no one ever gets real about it out of fear that they'll sound like a bad mother or even a bad person in general, but the truth of the matter is we're all human and we all have bad hours, days, weeks, and even months. Loving your kids so much it hurts has a lot of benefits, but becoming flawless isn't one of them.
These 5 things pertain to my particular situation, so you may not relate to all of them, but I'm nearly positive that at least one of them will strike you in a familiar way, so in no particular order here are the 5 things that I wish someone would have told me about being a SAHM.
1. You will be lonely.
Like gut wrenching - cry into the laundry you're folding - soul crushing -kind of lonely.
I have amazing friends and one of the best support systems out there, truly. But here's the thing: they all work. Being a stay at home mom just isn't commonplace is 2016 and each and every one of my friends that are local are working women balancing a career and family life, so when we see each other it's in the evening or on the weekend, which is always amazing and much needed, but there's never anyone available when I'm alone in the trenches of mommyhood and I've hit the wall at 2 p.m. Or 4 a.m. Or 6 p.m.
2. You will be drained.
I worked full-time until Felicity was about a year and a half old. I'd go into the office feeling crushed every day of the week because I wanted to be with her. She fueled me. I'd come home from work, we'd play while I cooked dinner, we'd play after dinner, we'd play at bath time, then I'd spend the rest of the evening reading and singing her to sleep. The weekends were filled with fun new adventures and even more playing, reading, and singing, and I felt recharged, emotionally fueled up so to speak. You quickly realize once you're with your sweet baby 24 hours a day 7 days a week that you were fueled by them because it wasn't your full-time job. Now, it's draining. Emotionally, physically, and mentally draining.
3. You'll start relying more on your husband for parenting
My husband is an excellent daddy, so I've never had to try to convince him to help with Felicity. He's great with changing diapers, giving baths, reading, playing, making snacks, etc. But it was just our natural flow that I did the majority of those things because I wanted...no...needed to do them. I always felt like I didn't get enough time with Felicity while I was working so I was eager and excited to spend every second of my "spare" time with her, which naturally gave my husband a little more freedom in the parenting department. Nowadays, he walks in from work and I've either got a list of things I desperately need him to help me with or I say "your turn" and grab the keys to head out for a long drive by myself or escape to the bathroom to check my e-mail before taking a long shower in which I'll pray to God for forgiveness for all the yelling or overreacting I've done that day.
4. You'll get less particular
About what he/she/they eat, how they're dressed, how your house looks, how you look, etc., etc., etc. because it takes so much effort to care for and be with a little one/ones all day long you just stop wasting your "I give a cares" on things that don't add up to anything in the long haul. I used to make all of Felicity's food, she didn't eat a single processed food (well, maybe from rebel grandparents) til she was almost 2 years old. She had a cereal bar for breakfast this morning and will probably have chicken nuggets from the freezer for lunch. I was such a clean freak that you used to be able to eat off my floors, now there are nights that the dinner dishes sit til the next morning...and we have a freaking dishwasher. When I worked, and for about a year afterwards, Felicity was dressed to the nines every day, including a matching bow and shoes, even if we were staying in all day. I'm writing this at 11 a.m. and she's still in her pj's and I've yet to brush her hair and honestly, if we don't go anywhere today she'll probably stay that way until her bath time tonight when she'll just get changed into fresh pj's.
5. You will always be broke.
I know that this in particular doesn't apply to everyone, but it certainly applies to my little family. Me staying home meant losing HALF of our income. We went down to one vehicle, got a lower tier cell phone plan, got rid of cable, and sold pretty much everything we didn't need when I first started staying at home, but that only did so much. Finances are still ridiculously tight for us all. of. the. time. We can no longer decide we want to go see family a few hours away on weekends because we actually have to think about the measly $50 worth of gas we'll spend, let alone anything we do while we're there. We rarely have date nights that consist of a fun night out, instead our "dates" are spent watching a movie at home or sometimes even just grocery shopping without a little voice asking for things throughout every store. We don't get a lot of new clothes, and I have to budget in things as small as haircuts. It's been a large adjustment for all of us to say the very least.
There you have them; the 5 things I desperately wish someone would have warned me about before I started this journey. Not that it would have mattered, because I know in my heart of hearts that even if someone would have told me all of these things it wouldn't have changed my mind, because even now, I'm so incredibly grateful for every day of this life I've been given. I realize that this list comes off as ungrateful and makes it sound as though I regret my decision in staying home, but I assure you that nothing could be further from the truth. Staying home with Felicity was the best decision I've ever made. Hands down. Not everyone gets to love their baby/babies for a living and I feel privileged to do so. In fact, when I look at her, all I truly see is a lifesaver in midget terrorist form. She's pure perfection and I wouldn't trade anything in the world for what I have with her and how we spend our days. And to all you other stay at home mama's out there...just keep on keepin' on. They're worth it. You're worth it. It's worth it. I'll be praying for you while we all figure it out together, a little at a time.
These 5 things pertain to my particular situation, so you may not relate to all of them, but I'm nearly positive that at least one of them will strike you in a familiar way, so in no particular order here are the 5 things that I wish someone would have told me about being a SAHM.
1. You will be lonely.
Like gut wrenching - cry into the laundry you're folding - soul crushing -kind of lonely.
I have amazing friends and one of the best support systems out there, truly. But here's the thing: they all work. Being a stay at home mom just isn't commonplace is 2016 and each and every one of my friends that are local are working women balancing a career and family life, so when we see each other it's in the evening or on the weekend, which is always amazing and much needed, but there's never anyone available when I'm alone in the trenches of mommyhood and I've hit the wall at 2 p.m. Or 4 a.m. Or 6 p.m.
2. You will be drained.
I worked full-time until Felicity was about a year and a half old. I'd go into the office feeling crushed every day of the week because I wanted to be with her. She fueled me. I'd come home from work, we'd play while I cooked dinner, we'd play after dinner, we'd play at bath time, then I'd spend the rest of the evening reading and singing her to sleep. The weekends were filled with fun new adventures and even more playing, reading, and singing, and I felt recharged, emotionally fueled up so to speak. You quickly realize once you're with your sweet baby 24 hours a day 7 days a week that you were fueled by them because it wasn't your full-time job. Now, it's draining. Emotionally, physically, and mentally draining.
3. You'll start relying more on your husband for parenting
My husband is an excellent daddy, so I've never had to try to convince him to help with Felicity. He's great with changing diapers, giving baths, reading, playing, making snacks, etc. But it was just our natural flow that I did the majority of those things because I wanted...no...needed to do them. I always felt like I didn't get enough time with Felicity while I was working so I was eager and excited to spend every second of my "spare" time with her, which naturally gave my husband a little more freedom in the parenting department. Nowadays, he walks in from work and I've either got a list of things I desperately need him to help me with or I say "your turn" and grab the keys to head out for a long drive by myself or escape to the bathroom to check my e-mail before taking a long shower in which I'll pray to God for forgiveness for all the yelling or overreacting I've done that day.
4. You'll get less particular
About what he/she/they eat, how they're dressed, how your house looks, how you look, etc., etc., etc. because it takes so much effort to care for and be with a little one/ones all day long you just stop wasting your "I give a cares" on things that don't add up to anything in the long haul. I used to make all of Felicity's food, she didn't eat a single processed food (well, maybe from rebel grandparents) til she was almost 2 years old. She had a cereal bar for breakfast this morning and will probably have chicken nuggets from the freezer for lunch. I was such a clean freak that you used to be able to eat off my floors, now there are nights that the dinner dishes sit til the next morning...and we have a freaking dishwasher. When I worked, and for about a year afterwards, Felicity was dressed to the nines every day, including a matching bow and shoes, even if we were staying in all day. I'm writing this at 11 a.m. and she's still in her pj's and I've yet to brush her hair and honestly, if we don't go anywhere today she'll probably stay that way until her bath time tonight when she'll just get changed into fresh pj's.
5. You will always be broke.
I know that this in particular doesn't apply to everyone, but it certainly applies to my little family. Me staying home meant losing HALF of our income. We went down to one vehicle, got a lower tier cell phone plan, got rid of cable, and sold pretty much everything we didn't need when I first started staying at home, but that only did so much. Finances are still ridiculously tight for us all. of. the. time. We can no longer decide we want to go see family a few hours away on weekends because we actually have to think about the measly $50 worth of gas we'll spend, let alone anything we do while we're there. We rarely have date nights that consist of a fun night out, instead our "dates" are spent watching a movie at home or sometimes even just grocery shopping without a little voice asking for things throughout every store. We don't get a lot of new clothes, and I have to budget in things as small as haircuts. It's been a large adjustment for all of us to say the very least.
There you have them; the 5 things I desperately wish someone would have warned me about before I started this journey. Not that it would have mattered, because I know in my heart of hearts that even if someone would have told me all of these things it wouldn't have changed my mind, because even now, I'm so incredibly grateful for every day of this life I've been given. I realize that this list comes off as ungrateful and makes it sound as though I regret my decision in staying home, but I assure you that nothing could be further from the truth. Staying home with Felicity was the best decision I've ever made. Hands down. Not everyone gets to love their baby/babies for a living and I feel privileged to do so. In fact, when I look at her, all I truly see is a lifesaver in midget terrorist form. She's pure perfection and I wouldn't trade anything in the world for what I have with her and how we spend our days. And to all you other stay at home mama's out there...just keep on keepin' on. They're worth it. You're worth it. It's worth it. I'll be praying for you while we all figure it out together, a little at a time.